The Court of My Own Opinion


So I haven’t done this in a while, but I guess it’s probably time for one of my moments…You know, those moments where I decide to be completely transparent for a few minutes.  At least for a portion of this blog.  I honestly believe doing so helps me to know more about myself, and who I am meant to be for my life.

So here goes…

For most my life, I’ve had a part time job.  Not the type of job that required any schooling.  Not the type that I actually get paid for.  It’s not a 9 to 5, but you can actually show up at any point in the day and still be good at it.  I’m sad to say that I’ve probably being doing this job better than most for the past 20 years.  That job is none other than that of a Judge.

Not only have I provided judgement for others and their situations, but I’ve also been the jury and executioner in the court of my own opinion.  I’ve handed out life sentences, bans, fines, etc.  Whatever I’ve deemed necessary for the time.  I’ve done what most Christians do.  I’ve told others that I believed in Jesus and what he is about, and yet, have created my own judgement for individuals when I saw fit.  While at the same time not allowing myself to face the same possible punishment for my own crimes of morality.  Ouch!!!!  Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, it hurt to say it.  But I guess the point of it all is whether or not I understood how it could have hurt others when I put them under the jail or microscope of my own imagination.

*****Romans 3:23   23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God*****

Now don’t get it twisted…I still believe in right and wrong.  Still believe in black and white, but the truth of the matter is that I shouldn’t, we shouldn’t as believers or religious folk always be the one to hand out the trolls of punishment on others.  We have to allow the True Judge to do his job at the end of the day.

When I think about being judgmental in situations I tend to think about my faith.  I constantly go out of my way to say how different I am.  1. Because I’m a believer, and 2. Because I just don’t do things the way a lot of people do.  Apparently I always thought that I was a living example of this moral code on how to live life.  The fact that I didn’t drink or smoke or partake in certain things made me this moral authority or something.  Then I discovered something recently.  When or how did I become so “holier-than-thou?” Although I claim to be something different, that thought process makes me in fact, no different from the others.  It actually makes me just like the rest.  Just like the so-called saints that are out there in the abortion clinics, or keeping Muslims from this country.  It makes me just like those that would judge a decision based off of what my eyes saw and not what actually happened.  It’s as if the evidence presented showed one thing, but there was something that wasn’t actually brought to the table.  But I only saw the circumstantial things…In trying to be better, I acted as if I actually was…and I’m writing to this to say, it’s not what I actually believe.

I believe in God.  I believe in Love, and I believe all of us have come short of that on multiple occasions.  Just as I do at times, people tend to rely on themselves, in addition to their intellect and their own personal experiences rather that what and who they know God or their creator to be.  If He’s loving, then shouldn’t we be?  If He’s forgiving, then shouldn’t we do the same?  If He trusts us with the benefit of the doubt, then shouldn’t we treat others the way we want to be treated.  I’m not gonna lie…this is, and has been historically a very tough lesson to learn.

Here’s a question I would ask to people who have been judgmental to others throughout their lives:  Where has the way you treated others got you?  Are you better off because of it?  Are you a better person?  Are you “different” than the rest?  If the answer to any of those questions is “no”, then you need to be…

I thought I was being different from every one else by saying so or being different than my actions of my past. But what really makes you so different? Is it saying it or displaying it? It can come across as holier than thou, when the One you follow or say you follow was not that way.  Trying to set yourself apart isn’t what Jesus ever did. He always embraced becoming part of the crowd and yet standing out. He always went in but his virtue is what shined through. I think a lesson we could truly learn is to not be so concerned about what others think of us. Or the fact that when we think or believe something, trying to impose that same belief on others because we think they should choose the same path. Stop trying so hard to be different and just be. That’s probably the best thing that can be done.  Now I’m surely not saying it will be easy. What truly stands out about us as believers or non-believers alike, is the ability to be in any situation and maintain your life, your integrity, etc. That’s what Jesus did truth be told. I guess the hardest thing for me personally is moving past my own individual stereotypes and ideological thoughts concerning life.  It’s been honestly tough for me. I don’t always know how to overcome my judging past.  I do, however, know that I am NOT better than any other person. I guess the best thing I can take out of all this is that I do in fact know who I want to be. But am still trying to figure out who I am in that sense. Am I the man that goes to the crowd trying to reach them, or does my just living reach them?  What’s the best way to teach, I ask?  I have prayed that God teach me how to love. I mean really love in a way that helps others. Guess the only way to truly know how is to love Him and to learn more about myself.

It’s crazy when we often try to argue a belief that we don’t even practice ourselves. That’s why most people view the people who claim to be Christian with the side-eye .  Why people could potentially view me that way.  I guess I’m working to believe I can overcome all of it.  The one thing that has given me pause, is being called to the mat on most of it. The thing is, all one can control is what they do. And the thing I’m trying to do best is be good and appreciative, and grateful. And I know I haven’t done the best job of that lately.  Trust me when I tell you, there will be growing pains.  But if you go through life thinking how you treat others, and how to apply the “Golden Rule”, you’ll most put down the gavel that you’ve used to judge so many, and start actually living your own life…

More to come…


About jaisynaustin

What I write about is life...The way it changes and affects me every day. Love, heartache, and Mystery in relationships.

2 responses to “The Court of My Own Opinion”

  1. quincy harley jr says :

    always insightful, bro. Thanks and glad to ‘hear’ your voice again, you’ve been way to silent of late.

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