The Complexity of Me


You know in writing this blog over the past few years, I feel like I’ve finally started hitting my stride of sorts.  And just when I started getting to the stride, it seems as though something always tries to knock me off course.  What am I talking about with all this?  Just talking, really.  And for those that probably won’t understand, I’d say, that I’m just talking…no, really, I’m just talking…

Anyhow, here goes everything…

Over the years I’ve been writing, my biggest question was always, will others really “get” what I’m saying in this blog?  I wonder that because I realize that some of my thoughts may not be conventional, and some of my views, may actually be somewhat in the direction of controversy.  While I understand what I’m saying, and it doesn’t sound like rambling to me, it’s not lost on me, that others may not think the same.  With that said, who cares!!!  The reason I write the things I write, has somewhat of an entertainment value, but overall it’s merely to get some things off my chest.  To document and share my world, and my life with all of you.  I think that some will get it, and others…well they just won’t.  Some will find what I say insightful, and others will…well…not!   I just think at this point, that’s the way it is.   I can talk about marriage, Love, and life all day, but everybody won’t be able to relate.  Who knows why.  Could it be I’m too complicated or deep?  Maybe…then again, I don’t know if complicated would be a word I would ever use to describe myself.  I look at it as if I am just trying to be heard.  Even better, I’m trying to be seen.  Now while I don’t live my life to be seen or heard, it is nice when it actually happens.

Let’s get back to this matter of being complicated.  I have spent a number of years trying to explain myself, and my actions.  Apologizing when someone didn’t understand, why I thought the way I did.  Why I was harsh on some things and easy on others.  To that I’d just say that it’s just the way I am.  I personally think it’s simple.  When you have a set of beliefs, and stick to them generally, you get who you are.   Don’t get me wrong, it’s rarely ever that easy, but it’s also not that hard.  I also believe that people (including myself) have way of overthinking and overanalyzing life and people in general.   I know the way I am personally,  am always trying to find out the deeper meaning in things when truth of the matter is, some things are exactly what they appear to be.  And it’s not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s just that people just want to be in each other’s business.  They want to feel like they are in the know.   Shoot, I wanna feel like that too, because I’m just nosy like that.

Trust me when I tell you, I’m not really that complicated.  I’m not that deep either.  I actually think some of the same things that everyone else thinks.  I just don’t always feel or believe that it is necessary to verbalize them.  See the thing is, I do have a lot to say, and I absolutely have views contrary to what everyday society thinks.  But they are simple.  I’m generally pretty black and white when it comes to things.  Right or wrong on most things.  I do realize there are things that become complex at times.  I just don’t always have room for those gray areas.  I actually really believe in actions and consequences.  That probably sounds very matter of fact to people, but hey.  That’s me.  I’m soooo “complex”.  You could blame it on my faith, religion, culture, whatever.  Either way, when it boils down to it.  You still get me.  You still get Jason.  There’s no one else I can be.  The difference between now and then, is that I just won’t apologize for it.

More to come…






About jaisynaustin

What I write about is life...The way it changes and affects me every day. Love, heartache, and Mystery in relationships.

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