Archive | April 2015

The Un-Datable Black Woman


“I want a girl with extensions in her hair
Bamboo earrings
At least two pair
A Fendi bag and a bad attitude
That’s all I need to get me in a good mood
She can walk with a switch and talk with street slang
I love it when a woman ain’t scared to do her thing
Standing at the bus stop sucking on a lollipop
Once she gets pumping its hard to make the hottie stop”

Truer words could not have been spoken.  When LL Cool J, came up with the lyrics to his Smash, “Around the Way Girl” he spoke to black culture with an song praising the different facets of women, black women.   He about women of color as if they were the only women in the world.  Unfortunately for us though, many black women weren’t listening to Uncle L the way they should have been.  Mainly black men.

In today’s world, inter-racial couples are the norm.  You see different cultures mixing, having children, falling in love, and getting married.  The blended family isn’t just for people who have children from different relationships.  Now it’s all about who you fall in love with rather than the color of the person.  And while that’s well and good.  There seems to be one type of woman that always seems to be left with the short end of the stick.  That’s right, the black woman.  Now don’t get me wrong, whether or not a couple is interracial means nothing to me.  It’s just that when it comes to a man NOT being with a woman, they normally look past some of the black women out there.  Even black women are beginning to venture out to other races, because it seems that their own can hardly appreciate what they bring to the table.

So what is it about Black Women that make men avoid them like the plague: Is it that they all wear braids?  Nope.  Is it the fact that they all get there hair done at Kee Loo Loo’s?  Absolutely not.  Let me take a stab at it once more.  It must be the fact that all have black women attitudes??  Ding Ding Ding Ding….CORRECT!!  That is the answer.

They’re all black, and they all have attitudes. That’s what makes them so un-datable.

I’ve heard some of the black men out there tell me that they wouldn’t date a black woman.  When asked why they’d say simply “That’s not my style.”  Or, not that I wouldn’t, it’s just that I’m attracted to this, or to that.”  Trust me, there’s nothing wrong with answers like that.  But then, we come to the answer that’s actually quite bothersome to me as a black man.  The answer that says, “Nah, those black girls got that attitude, and I can’t get with that!!”

WOW!!  An attitude.  There must be something to that I guess.  Because after all, I see plenty of black women that aren’t married, with about 6 kids, by 6 men, and that are in the system.  If that’s the type you’re talking about, I guess I can totally understand.  Right?  Yeah those are the ones that give the black women a bad name.  They make it terrible for the rest of black women, and black men shouldn’t stand for that.

So just for a second…Let me offer the side.  I’ll start from the top.  Michelle Obama.  She’s a lawyer and writer.  Oooh I forgot, philanthropist.  The First Lady of the United States of America.  And one last thing…She’s a black woman.  And I’ll bet she has that black woman attitude too.  You know what though?  She apparently has it under control because she’s married to the “Leader of the Free World.”  She comes off as supportive, loving, caring, and nurturing.  Oh and did I mention, she was a black woman.

Okay, maybe I went too high up there.  She’s just an unattainable example.  How about another.  Your sister.  Your mother.  The grandmother that raised you.  Those are black women.  Positive black women.  They were married before having children.  They aren’t on welfare.  They don’t have weaves run all down their back with different colors.  Nor do they have finger nails curled up where they can’t use a pen.  They speak eloquently, and know how to act in public.   These are black women that some thought had attitude.  Are they undatable to you?  Are they not worthy of the love you say that black women aren’t worthy of?  Oh is that different now?

This is the thing, and my point.  For many, many years, as many as I can remember we’ve all heard that black women are unapproachable, that they all have these enormous chips on their shoulder.  They hate white women, they can’t keep jobs, and by the way, don’t piss them off, because you will have a firestorm on your hands.  The language you hear when their angry.  Wow.  Well maybe not wow because they’re actually ALWAYS angry.  This couldn’t be further from the truth.  You tell me any other race of women that deserve to be cheated on.  That deserve their children not to be taken care of.  That should be characterized by the shade of their skin.  That should be mistreated the way we treat black women.  Being that way towards a woman that bore your children is the same as if someone did the same to the woman that gave birth to you.  It’s as simple as that.

As black men, we tend to say why we can’t do this, or can’t do that.  We tend to have more excuses than a man going to jail.  You want so much from women, and even that much more from black women.  But how about you do your part and be a man.  Not just a black man, because you can’t change that.  But just a man.  Someone who takes care of his own.  You worry about the attitude.  Well, stop doing the wrong things.  Start taking responsibility for your actions.  Get a job.  Stop living with your mama.  Then maybe, just maybe, it won’t be the black woman that’s undatable.  It will be you that is datable.  That is worthy of woman like the First Lady.  Like your grandmother, or mother.

With respect, it wasn’t another race you’re dating that clothed, and fed you, when you were coming up.  That wiped your bottom and changed your diaper.  It was that woman, that was strong, yet assertive, with maybe a little bit of attitude that helped you be the responsible man you supposedly are today.  Picked you up from school, cooked you dinner, and made sure you got your homework done.  A black woman did that.  Look…You can love who you want to love.  Nobody has beef with that.  I just don’t wanna hear you say that you won’t be with somebody that looks like you, because of something that is different in everyone.  Have a little pride, and self respect.  Black women…well, women in general are to be loved.  To be cherished.  They deserve a world of honor from you.  That’s the least you can do and be about.  Stop saying you won’t date someone who’s black.  It’s discriminatory, and racist.  There’s nothing worse that racist, especially one who hates his own race.  Yeah I said it!!

Time to look in the mirror Black Men!!