It’s Still Hard for Me to Trust God

scrooge

Caution:  The following post contains Spiritual elements and may implore conscience thinking about God:  

So, I recently applied for a new job. While some might ask, “Don’t you have a job, Jason?”  Sure. It’s just that sometimes you get to the point where you want more. Whether that be money to make your situation better, or just a different opportunity all together, sometimes you just want more. I mean you need to know what’s out there, right. So to make a long story short, after weeks of interviewing with a particular company I received an email basically saying thanks for interviewing with us, but we’ve decided to move on with a different candidate. You know when I got the news, it wasn’t a huge deal, because again, I already have a job, but it was more of a disappointment. I had put so much in to interviewing and putting on my suit and tie Sunday best. Making sure I was clean from top to bottom…Fresh to def, blah, blah, blah….
With all that said, I just knew I was getting the job, or at least an offer I could scoff at and turn down (so much humility over here). At the very least, get into some type of bidding war with my current job, and ultimately stay with my current place of employment because they valued me so much, they couldn’t allow another company and get what they already had. (Wow that was a lot of thinking, right!) So when my disappointment came, it’s like I just didn’t know how to handle it. I’ve been sulking over the fact that they didn’t call the last couple of days. If they didn’t know better, people would have thought my whole world had ended.

Then this morning I saw a verse on Facebook posted by a friend (thanks Julie). The verse was Romans 15:13, as it reads: May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

After reading the verse I realized something. After 36 years, twenty-two of which I’ve been saved, I still find it hard to trust God. At least with everything. Oh, I’ll trust him with the little stuff, like making a pot of spaghetti and trust that it will turn out good. I’ll even trust Him with my taxes in hopes that I did them right. I’ll go as far as to say that I trust Him to not have the police pull me over when I go through the HOV lane without 3 people in my car. I just don’t know if I can trust Him with (what I believe to be) the hard stuff. I don’t know if He’s gonna be there for me when I need a new job, or more money, nor when I need to fix something in my marriage or family relationships. That’s too hard for me. I can’t do that. I’m just keeping 100 here (I guess that means I’m not the Christian I thought I was).

Often times we pray about things, and say things to God, at the same time asking His will to be done. We go out telling others how much we trust in Him and how we’re gonna wait on Him because we’re so blessed and highly favored. We quote scriptures, saying my God shall supply all my needs…and then when He doesn’t bless us the way we want, we get mad. We act a fool when we don’t get our way. So Yeah, that was me alright. I was mad. After all, I had seen others around being blessed. People who I felt I knew didn’t love God the way I do. People whom I can’t say ever pray, getting blessed. All I know is I pray, I teach Bible Study, I feed the homeless on Thanksgiving, give to United Way, etc. Seeing that, I thought to myself, well if they got blessed like that, I need to open up my hands, or get my swim trunks on because was about to be blessed like Scrooge McDuck swimming in a money bin (DuckTales…WooHoo!!!). It was gonna hit me like a $380 million dollar lottery check. But again, I asked for His will to be done…Realizing, I’m not rich, it didn’t happen. Everything is still the same…at least for now. No new job. No 20K raise. No six figures. That hurts, I can’t even lie. Such a hard lesson to learn

Through all of that, I did actually learn a lesson. Maybe a lesson I wasn’t ready to learn at the time, but can share it now. The lesson is…that best blessings aren’t always visible to the human eye. They also don’t always come when we see fit. Some of us, ‘super-saints’ are out there saying that we will wait on God, but then we get embarrassed when the blessings we expected don’t arrive. Our disappointment basically speaks to the fact that we don’t or still have trouble trusting God. I mean, do I believe in God, sure. Do I trust Him? I think I do. Do I trust that He always knows best? Well…that might be going a little far. If can’t trust the people I can see, how am I gonna trust someone I’ve never seen? That’s such a real question. One that most of us Christians will never admit to asking. After all, the hardest thing God has ever done is create the whole universe, right? We know that’s well that’s within His range. I mean my life and everything it entails…well, that’s a different story. Look here…we’re talking about what’s most precious to me. He wouldn’t know anything about that, would He?

The one thing I do know about God, is that our timing means absolutely nothing to Him. I also know that there’s a difference between His permissible will and His perfect will. From this experience I’ve learned, nobody gets a blessing the same way. It just doesn’t work that way. If we say we believe and trust in Him, it can’t be just lip service. It has to be something greater within us, that allows us to walk that uncomfortable path. And believe me, when I tell you…it is UNCOMFORTABLE. The one where we may not get everything we want. Not financially, nor through relationships. Like I said, really tough, but in the end though, really gratifying. Trusting that God knows best is something that will benefit you in the long run. Doing so will help us get through our situations even when they become inconvenient. And even though, it’s STILL hard for me to completely trust in God, I’m working to get to the point where I absolutely do. That’s when I know the blessings will come.

Remember: 1 Corinthians 10:23 “I have the right to do anything,” you say–but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”–but not everything is constructive.

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About jaisynaustin

What I write about is life...The way it changes and affects me every day. Love, heartache, and Mystery in relationships.

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