We Had to Weather the Storms
Caution: Another moment of truth here!! (This is kind of a continuation of the: Marriage Just Aint What I Expected blog):
I’m just gonna be real right here. When I got married, I had all these expectations of how our life would be lived. I believed it would be like sitting on the beaches of Tahiti every week (just in our minds while physically in California). I thought there would be this non-stop honeymoon with tons of smiles, and a love that I believed was the best thing to happen to the human race since the invention of the wheel. Well…Soooo, my dream marriage didn’t exactly turn out that way. Let’s just say that I got a rude awakening the first few years of my marriage. I would mention her, but let’s just talk about me. I found out that we didn’t actually get along as well as I’d thought. Or at least not the way we did when we met. I also learned that I’m not as easy to live with as I’d like to think I am. I couldn’t make her laugh as easily, nor was I as great at making plans or at being the “Head of the Household”. I was actually pretty terrible at it now that I think about it. You could say that our marriage had all the makings of a divorce. At least early-on.
In about year number four, I think I finally realized a few things about myself. I realized that I was rarely clear about things, unless there was some type of crisis. Almost as if when our backs were against the wall, I became the leader I wanted to be. She finally saw a man that would actually take charge, instead of being all kinds of wishy washy. It was funny, because she almost seemed to respond better when that guy showed up. The thing was just learning how to be that person all the time or at least at the right one (Timing: another weakness of mine).
I honestly had some of the same thoughts that I had judged others for so many times: Thoughts like, “Why did they get married? Do they really love each other? This wasn’t like what we saw on TV so many times. This wasn’t the happily ever after I thought about.”
You know, as long as I’ve been writing this blog, I’ve mentioned the issues with relationships and marriages. I’ve spoken pretty candidly, at least I believe. Speaking about it’s downfalls and pitfalls. The issues two people can have when attempting to be on the same page. The struggle that comes with taking those vows is real, trust me when I say that. Again like I said, to some singles, it may even seem as though I’ve been discouraging them from having relationships or getting married. To be clear and precise, I have never said that people shouldn’t get married if they love each other, and are committed to what comes with it. I’ll even go as far as to say that there are some people out there that should probably stop wasting time and get married already. Like I said, it may seem like I am trying to keep people from being married or staying married, but on the contrary, I would say that there’s something to be said about a couple that has been able to weather those storms. Because there are many. The reason I can say there are many storms is more from experience than just book knowledge. Trust me, there’s no book out there that can prepare you adequately for some of what’s to come. Sure they can tell you what happened to them, but they never quite gets the feelings involved explained in a way that everyone can relate to.
When I speak about weathering the storm, I’m talking about those who are committed to someone enough to deal with all those things you seem not to like about the person. Those that are willing to stay even when they can’t think of four good things they like about the person. Let’s be real here, marriage is great, but it’s not always a party. There are generally more moments where you’re just even keel than over the top happy or drag the person in the street upset at one another. Those are the times when marriage isn’t beautiful. He’s not very handsome to you, and she’s not beautiful the way she was when she had that dress on. It’s tough. I mean, we knew that part right? Sure, but we have to learn to understand that there are benefits to getting past the hard times. You know what I’m talking about. The financial stuff, because everyone’s had moments where money was tight (I’m still feelin’ that one). Times where someone had to deal with some sort of loss or death in the family. A person close to you betraying your trust, and the different emotions that come with that. You all know what I’m talking about. There’s just so much, and then you have to be concerned or aware of the person next to you, things tend to get a little “complicated”. They too have feelings that need to be taken care of or catered to. It’s never easy, but I would say it is gratifying. Especially when you ultimately learn how much you’ve begun to trust your spouse. They become that go-to person in your life, you’ve always wanted. Not your best friend, because they can move away, but your husband/wife, because that’s who they were actually meant to be.
A good friend once told me, that if you’re having a tough time remembering why you married someone, go back and take a look at the wedding video, if you’re fortunate enough to have one. If not, go back and look at those pictures. You’d be surprised the amount of feeling and emotions those memories bring forth. That’s why we recorded those moments to begin with. To make sure we always remembered what it was like, the first time we kissed as a married couple. Or loved ones we spent time with or witnessed the occasions.
I can’t lie, my wife, means everything to me. She’s the one person I can’t hold back my tears from. Whom I can’t go a day without thinking about. If there was a natural disaster, she’s the last person I’d want to be without in that time. She’s the best part of our marriage. And that I can truly say I appreciate. Does that mean she doesn’t get on my nerves sometimes…sure she does. Plus, my jokes are funny, and she needs to laugh at them more!!!
Surprisingly, I owe most or all of how I currently feel, to the tougher times in our first few years together. We wouldn’t be as close without all that we’ve gone and will go through. Without those times, those storms, I wouldn’t appreciate her the way I do. It made our covering much larger, and our shelter much more secure.