Marriage Just Aint What I Expected
So, it’s coming up on 7 years that I’ve been married. I know…sounds like a long time. Feels like even longer. Truth be told though, there have been a lot of things we’ve gone through in growing as couple, as well some things we’ve had to process in order to grow as individuals as well. With that said, I can honestly say I don’t know if marriage is exactly what I’ve bargained for.
So before I get in trouble and my wife starts receiving all types of calls let me explain…
As I was coming up, I grew up seeing visions of marriage like the Cosby Show, where there was tons of success and very few mishaps or failures. Shows like Family Matters, The Brady Bunch, Full House, blah, blah, blah. All of which had a generally strong family dynamic, where the husband was labeled as this breadwinner/provider/head of household, and the wife as a caregiver/primary cook/and bearer of children there as the husband’s teammate and ultimately worked alongside with the husband and could work every issue they had with each other out within 17 to 23 minutes of actual TV time. I know what you’re thinking…THAT IS THE PERFECT FAMILY MODEL. You’re right, they are, but truth be told, they didn’t necessarily provide a realistic point of view of how a marriage actually goes.
You have all types of romantic comedies out there that depict love and marriage as something that just hits you like an epiphany, when that’s not always the case. My favorite movie is Love Jones. I honestly can’t get enough of that movie. Plus the movie has writing and poetry in it. There’s a part in the movie where Nina and Darius (the main characters) acknowledge that the world can’t keep them apart and that nothing mattered except for their love. They couldn’t stop being in love after a year apart and now they know it…cue credits!!!
That’s the love model. Movies like that are the reason why all of us marry in the first place, right? Well, then I got married (DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNN???)…and it was literally nothing like what I saw on TV. It seemed as if there were more arguments, about less serious things. There were more disagreements, less “I Love You’s”, and definitely less make-up sex than there was on TV. Fights generally lasted hours, or days, not minutes like the TV Shows of the 90’s suggested. No problem I’ve ever had in my marriage was every resolved in 17 minutes. Not even the easy ones. It’s as if the credits after the movie was offering a promise that once you get to the part where you discover how much you love someone, that everything else works itself out. In the words of the great Charlie Murphy: “Wrong!!! Wrong!!! I wasn’t always the bread winner, and she didn’t want to be just the cook or bearer of children. She wanted more.
Again, I know what you’re thinking: “Jason, that doesn’t really go along with how I think marriage should go.” Well, to that I’d say, Agreed.
That’s what I mean when I say Marriage isn’t what I expected. It just has never been very easy for me. It’s as if, I’ve been caught up in this world of some type of perfection, and I forgot that there will be moments where she wants to throw a pot of hot grits at me (Ladies, I STRONGLY ADVISE AGAINST THAT). There are even days when I just don’t wanna be there, or hear her tell me, that the trash is full and that it needs to go out. (Like I’m not an adult and can’t see the trash overflowing, Hmph…Who does she think she is?) It seems like those days always required so much, dare I say…WORK…Even the days that felt easy, required work. When I say work, I mean, the whole me having to be there and participate in it. My conversations weren’t finely tuned or scripted like on TV. I couldn’t spend hours working out the different scenarios of things we’d talk about. I don’t know every silly or crazy thing my kid(s) will do, or how I’ll resolve every issue for that matter. I say all this to say that’s actually the part I like about it. That I don’t always know what’s going to happen. It’s not boring, just different for me. There are days where you’ll feel like you’ve known the person you’re whole life and then days where you feel like you don’t know them at all. Look no further than the example of a pregnant woman. It’s absolutely CRAAAAZZZZYYYY!!! Trust me, you don’t have to experience it for yourself to take my word for it. I’m telling you now. HAHAHA!!!
To say Marriage is not what I expected, is quite the understatement. To say that is a bad thing, is not entirely accurate either. Marriage is one of those things that is kind of what you make of it. And it’s really up to you on whether or not your marriage is a terrible one or if it’s really successful. I won’t go as far as to say my marriage has been completely and utterly successful. Buuttt….I won’t say it’s been a bust either. It has been quite a ride for us. And we’re actually still pretty interested to see how the rest of the story goes. We still have issues to fight over, and things to disagree upon; but we also still have more smiles and epic moments to come. That’s what I look forward to be honest with you. We’re far from our closing credits, and I wouldn’t have it any other way!!!