Archive | February 2015

I Didn’t Get Married for Love

rings

Today, I’d like to touch on the subject of marriage.  In this I’m going to be completely honest with and tell you exactly what the real is of the matter.  Some people call it being 100, well I like to call this 150 to 200 (meaning the percentage of honesty I’m going to relay here).

Marriage…well, some say marriage, is an institution.  A journey, if you will, that should not be taken lightly.  It’s about being with someone and only that person for the rest of one’s life.  People tend to believe that in order to get married, you have to truly love someone to the highest heights, and cherish them to the deepest depths.   It’s a beautiful place where you should never have any issues, because the two of you are so ‘perfect’ for each other.  And if you actually marry the right one, all your troubles will be resolved.  {RRRRIIIIGGHHHTTT]  So now that the nonsense is out of the way, here comes the honesty part.  There are actually only a few requirements of marriage or getting married rather.  The first being the “I do” part.  The next being a witness.

There it is, blog over…There’s nothing else to discuss…

Wai, wai, wai, wai, wait, WAIT a minute Jason…What about loving someone?  What about being committed to someone?  Why would you marry someone you didn’t love?  Well…sure, all of those are good questions.  Great questions, in fact.  But the truth is.  I’m not sure that people actually marry for love.  Let me explain…When it comes to getting married, people don’t actually marry someone for the sole purpose of love.  When I say the word ‘love’ I’m speaking of the type that is unconditional.  The love I’m speaking of is boundless, and always forgiving.  It’s the kind that the great poets, and books such as the Bible speaks of.  It’s the kind that expects nothing in return.  So if I could ask anyone this question who will be completely honest for a second.  How many us would marry someone who gave us nothing?  Who did nothing for us?  Someone who brought nothing to the table or complimented or balanced us?  I don’t think anyone would.  For those who disagree with me, I’ll say this:  So let me get this straight:  You’re trying to tell me that you wouldn’t be mad, if he or she went six months without giving it up (sex)?  Or he went two years without having a job, and didn’t help you out with bills or the kids?  Some of y’all are lying right now.  I’m just trying to get you to admit that we need things from each other.   That’s why it’s called a relationship.  I could dig a little deeper by saying, that when you marry someone, you almost don’t know how much you truly love them, if at all.  I mean, sure you go through the whole, ‘I see my life with you’s’ or the ‘I can’t imagine my life without you’s’.  Truth be told, I got friends and family like that.  Who I like having in my life and want them to stick around.

Right now, I’m gonna keep it truly real with you when I say:  The reason people get married is to secure somewhat of a future, with another person.  It’s to say ‘This is the person I am “guaranteed” *(NOT REALLY)* to get sex from or money, or always have a home with, (or whatever it is you’re looking for,) for the rest of my life.  It’s making sure you’re no longer alone.  Is that really love?  No, I don’t think so.  It’s probably more comfort than anything.

So right now I know I probably discouraged a lot of single people with saying that.  And while that’s not my intent, I am here to shed a little on this subject.  Believe me, I’d never say I’m an expert, I would just say that I am someone who has first hand knowledge on the subject matter.  People who get or want to be married seem to have a this illusion that love is automatic, when it’s not.  I will say that after you get married, you begin to learn what it truly means to love someone.  I say that because there are times when sex won’t be available or fantastic.  There are times when your significant other WILL do something you won’t feel you can forgive.  I’m not talking about just an argument.  I’m talking about those drag out fights, where you’re yelling and screaming at one another, and at the same time questioning whether or not you’re staying or should stay with that person.  There will be times when you think to yourself (for lack of better words), “This is BULLS#%$!!!  I say this, but take it with more of a grain of salt:  “Marriage, for all intensive purposes, sucks 3 out of the 7 days (for some it’s only 1 or 2 days)”  What I mean by that is, you will absolutely have days, you don’t feel like being there.  You won’t wanna be responsible or held accountable for your actions or for another person for that matter.  You’ll just want to do your own thing for the most part.  Then the other 4 days you come back to your reality, and realize that you made the commitment of a lifetime, and that this type of relationship is no place to be fickle or ‘wishy washy’.  That’s when you start to know whether or not you will love that person.  It’s when the tough times come.  To my singles out there:  Please don’t get discouraged or hardened to the idea of marriage, because, even as a single person, you will have a day a week, where you often wish you weren’t by yourself.  A day where you may feel alone.  Then your own reality sets in and realize that you’re good by yourself.  And that you are choosing it, and that’s okay.  It’s like never wanting children, and then one day questioning it.  Your sister brings your nephew around and you’re excited, only to realize after a day or two that you’re actually good without kids.

While the title says I Didn’t Get Married for Love, I did ultimately discover how much I actually do love who I’m married to.  We’ve had our ups and downs, and times where we weren’t so sure about one another, but we stuck with the plan.  We stuck with our vision for our relationship.  We’ve held true to the promises we made in front of God and those in attendance, that we would be there for one another in the good and tougher times.  We had vows, promises, which led us to the place where we were able to find our own personal LOVE.  That’s the part I cherish and think about every day.  People say that promises are meant to be broken, but I suggest that before we go into this particular one (marriage), that we truly think about what it all means.  Stop acting as though you don’t want your spouse or partner to do things for you, and realize that compromise plays a large part in the nature of being human.  We all want something.  Some of us want something for nothing.  Those that do, don’t stay married for very long.  Those that are willing to give of themselves without ALWAYS expecting something in return, have truly learned to do their part, and what LOVE in marriage entails.