The One Thing I Won’t Do For Her…

ImageIn the 513 days I’ve been a parent, a father, I realized a lot about who I am.  I discovered so many things about myself, and some of those things I’m proud of, and others I believe I can surely do better.  In in that time I’ve made so many mistakes.  I’ve accidentally, burned her little tongue with a bottle that was too warm.  I’ve shown her how to climb the steps and let her go too soon, causing her to fall.  I’ve even let her out of my sight long enough for her to slip and hit her head on the hardwood floor (don’t worry, she’s alright, and tough).  But in that time, I’ve learned that she is MY daughter (Daddy’s little Girl), and she only has one father.  One protector, one person who will give his life to shield her from all harm.  [Every time I write about her, I get so emotional]  

And through this past year and a half, I’ve come to several other conclusions as well.  There will most likely be many other failings I will have concerning her.  I will make decisions I think are best, and they won’t be the best.  At times I will be average at teaching her things.  I’m going to miss some lessons as well.  It’s just that I’m human, trying to be superhuman for her, and I’ve finally come to an understanding of why men go crazy when it comes to their children.  Why they want to hurt a person when a woman brings them around his kids (not to say that it’s right, but let’s be real).  With all that said, there’s one thing I just can’t do for her…I CAN’T and WILL NEVER stop loving her.  I will not stop, being overprotective.  I will not stop wondering what’s on her mind, or how she’s doing.  I’ll never stop worrying about where she is, even when she’s right in front of me, or in the next room over.  That’s what real father’s do.  That’s what real parents do.  

Through my own personal trials I’ve come to question so many things.  Especially how there are men out there, that could leave their kids without any contact, or without any type of support for them.  There are tens of thousands of orphans in this world whose parents weren’t strong enough to be there, and I would ask them if I could:  When did parenthood become about you?  When did God tell you that you were no longer responsible for the person/people that He placed in your care?  That’s really what it’s all about.  It would be hard for me, almost impossible on me psychologically to spend an extended amount of time without Samaya Sky.  

Overall, I’m just saying that I truly believe in my heart that I would go through a building on fire for her and her mother.  It’s not really about getting attention, or being some sort of hero, it’s just the manifestation of the love I truly have for them.  I hug her, and never wanna let her go.  That’s just who I am today, and everyday for her.  And It’s all about learning the new things of today what I’ve already learned.   I’ve learned that every time she hurts, I hurt.  When she’s in trouble, I’m gonna break my back to help her out of it.  There is no law, when it comes to her.  My beautiful, beautiful Sky!  There goes my baby!!  Daddy Loves You baby!! 



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About jaisynaustin

What I write about is life...The way it changes and affects me every day. Love, heartache, and Mystery in relationships.

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