In the 513 days I’ve been a parent, a father, I realized a lot about who I am. I discovered so many things about myself, and some of those things I’m proud of, and others I believe I can surely do better. In in that time I’ve made so many mistakes. I’ve accidentally, burned her little tongue with a bottle that was too warm. I’ve shown her how to climb the steps and let her go too soon, causing her to fall. I’ve even let her out of my sight long enough for her to slip and hit her head on the hardwood floor (don’t worry, she’s alright, and tough). But in that time, I’ve learned that she is MY daughter (Daddy’s little Girl), and she only has one father. One protector, one person who will give his life to shield her from all harm. [Every time I write about her, I get so emotional]
And through this past year and a half, I’ve come to several other conclusions as well. There will most likely be many other failings I will have concerning her. I will make decisions I think are best, and they won’t be the best. At times I will be average at teaching her things. I’m going to miss some lessons as well. It’s just that I’m human, trying to be superhuman for her, and I’ve finally come to an understanding of why men go crazy when it comes to their children. Why they want to hurt a person when a woman brings them around his kids (not to say that it’s right, but let’s be real). With all that said, there’s one thing I just can’t do for her…I CAN’T and WILL NEVER stop loving her. I will not stop, being overprotective. I will not stop wondering what’s on her mind, or how she’s doing. I’ll never stop worrying about where she is, even when she’s right in front of me, or in the next room over. That’s what real father’s do. That’s what real parents do.
Through my own personal trials I’ve come to question so many things. Especially how there are men out there, that could leave their kids without any contact, or without any type of support for them. There are tens of thousands of orphans in this world whose parents weren’t strong enough to be there, and I would ask them if I could: When did parenthood become about you? When did God tell you that you were no longer responsible for the person/people that He placed in your care? That’s really what it’s all about. It would be hard for me, almost impossible on me psychologically to spend an extended amount of time without Samaya Sky.
Overall, I’m just saying that I truly believe in my heart that I would go through a building on fire for her and her mother. It’s not really about getting attention, or being some sort of hero, it’s just the manifestation of the love I truly have for them. I hug her, and never wanna let her go. That’s just who I am today, and everyday for her. And It’s all about learning the new things of today what I’ve already learned. I’ve learned that every time she hurts, I hurt. When she’s in trouble, I’m gonna break my back to help her out of it. There is no law, when it comes to her. My beautiful, beautiful Sky! There goes my baby!! Daddy Loves You baby!!
Let me preface what I’m about to say first and foremost with the fact that I am a married man. I believe I’m a good man and such, and don’t consider myself to be like most other men. I mean, I look at myself as truly unique. Or some would say special in my own way. With that said, there are in fact a few things that make me like any other man. One in particular my love and extreme infatuation with sex. Of physical intimacy with a woman. Sorry, it just is what it is. I’m all about telling the truth on this blog. And while that makes me like everyone else (including those in monasteries abstaining), there are some things I would do to ensure that I continue having sex. There are some dudes out there that may be upset when I reveal this secret that isn’t really such a secret. The fact of the matter, is that ALL Men WILL PAY FOR SEX!! We enjoy it that much. We truly indulge in the opportunity of gettin’ some. Yeah, I said it!!!
Now, before all the women in the world go off on me, and say things like, “My man wouldn’t do that,” or “You betta not be cheatin’ on my friend”, I’m saying men and more specifically, your man, will pay for sex, but the exchange of money is not quite what I’m talking about. I mean, don’t get it twisted, there are some men out there that will actually pay cold hard cash for it. I mean, go straight to the ATM to get the money, just to have sex. Yeah…to them, it’s worth it, but that’s not what I mean when I say I’ll pay for it. What I mean, is that I will pay for “services rendered”, just not in the conventional sense. Sex is a beautiful thing and I will give all the time I have in the world for it. It’s how, dare I say, some women get their bills paid, or that fancy new house, or ride. What about that trip to Tiffany’s you made last month. Since I’m married, it’s more about giving my time. Getting me to do things around the house. The risk for the reward, ya know. I’m a man that is on a “reward” system. I don’t just clean up, pay bills, wash clothes, vacuum, or clean the bathroom, just so that I can hang out with the wife. I also do it for sex!!! I think married men out there can agree with me. I think men who aren’t married can agree with me. It’s one of the four things that we actually care about in this world. All else falls by the waste side. And for a woman to give it up when her husband or boyfriend, is making sure she’s taken care of is just good common courtesy. I always find it funny when women get upset when a man wants sex for something he’s done for them.
Message for you ladies: I might love you, but that doesn’t mean that I’m doing this for that reason. I come home every night, because I love you. I don’t step out on you, because I love you. I will wait a week or two without sex, because I love you. But I certainly aint doing these chores because I love you. I definitely aint cleaning this tub because I love you. I’m doing it because if I clean up, and if I wash the clothes, or cook the food, you can’t use it as an excuse for not having sex. Consider your energy conserved!!! I WANT MY SEX!!! YOUR MAN WANTS HIS SEX!!! Give up the SEX ladies!!!
So in conclusion, remember, while your man wants to be with you, and next to you everyday. It’s mostly because of the love he has for you. I definitely don’t wanna sit here writing this out for you to read and think that we’re ALL about sex. And in the same breath, I don’t want you ladies to think that we’re not about, or there for sex either. After all, it’s one of the man’s four major “men’s health” groups. Family, money, food, and SEX!!! (in no particular order). Just trying to give you some knowledge to keep you in a loving relationship today!
More to come…
Let me just be transparent for a moment. A few years ago when I was in the middle of a divorce, I can’t lie: I was in a bad way. I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. Didn’t know if my family was behind me. Didn’t know where I’d be living in the months to come. I was lost in the lies I told. Just out there for all intensive purposes. I was over with. I was done. I mean, maybe on the outside, I seemed as if everything was alright, but on the inside, I was crushed, and dying. I was so disappointed in the situation and what was happening. I was just to a point where I had so many questions.
Not just for me, but for a lot of people, there are so many times in our journey when we go through things. When that happens we have a tendency to call on God to get us out of a jam. Like I said, I can’t lie…I was that person. I called on God to fix it. For him to do something, and at the time, it honestly felt like He didn’t hear me. I went through so much, and hurt so much at the time, and kept asking for Him to be there for me. I did my asking, but in my mind, all I heard was silence. God didn’t answer my prayer, God didn’t fix the marriage that I thought I’d wanted so badly, and that was so meant for me. He wasn’t there for me. He didn’t do any of the things that the saints in church had said he would do. He didn’t make a way out of no way. He didn’t bless me exceedingly and abundantly in my opinion. At that moment I was the same as all the others that weren’t sure whether or not God was real. And if He was, at that moment He had let me down. I experienced a true hardship, like many others who had a bill due, and needed a miracle, but nothing occurred. I was allowed to go through that pain, and figure things out on my own. In that moment I asked myself why He would leave me.
In those moments, I was angry with God. I treated Him like a father who had not been there for my adolescent birthdays. Like He never paid a cent of child support. Like He was a “dead-beat dad”. I steered clear of Him, and didn’t wanna hear about him, or seek him out to find out what his side of the story was. I just knew He didn’t respond at the exact moment I wanted Him to.
Again, not gonna lie…a few months had to go by, before I could see things clearly. In all that I was going through I thought that God wouldn’t love me. It’s like I had forgotten all that I had read and known about God. Just because my situation was tough. The reason, I believe God allowed me to go through some of those things was not because God had placed me there, but because I had placed myself there of my own accord. I was the one that said, that was the place I wanted to be. And when I initially prayed about it, I didn’t care whether or not God answered, because in my heart of hearts, I knew I was right about things and had the answers. And when it all went crazy, God never walked away, I did. By my actions, I told Him I didn’t need His help, and that I wasn’t patient enough to let Him in. I didn’t trust Him, I trusted me…
So what are you saying Jason? I’m saying that the reason we blame God for the bad things that happen, is because He’s a big, and easy target for us. As human beings, we are fallible, and basically unreliable. We don’t think for a second that there are going to be some things in life that we should take responsibility for. We just figure that it would be easier to blame someone else for our misfortunes. Again, what are you saying Jason? I’m saying that it’s time we stop pointing the fingers at others, and start looking to what the real problems are. It was us that decided to buy that house out of our budget. That wanted to marry someone that was clearly not a match. We got fired from that job because we didn’t do our work. We got bad grades in school because we didn’t do our homework, or study for that test. It’s us…It’s you…It’s me…It’s me.
When we believe in God, we have to believe that He is someone greater than ourselves, that knows much better than us. One that knows and truly understands how we are as people and how we will respond to certain situations. And while I believe God uses our experiences and circumstances to get the most out of us, I don’t necessarily believe He is always responsible for all of the bad we go through. There are times when we walk out of the will of God and try to make things happen for ourselves. And I personally believe that’s when some of our troubles occur. Those, in fact are the times when we need to have the largest amount of trust, because having faith in God gives us unlimited potential. Potential, that can only be limited, if we depend solely on ourselves.
More to come…