Confessions of a Weight-Loss Journey: Moment of Truth

ImageSo about 12 days ago, I did something I personally never thought I’d do. I took my shirt off and…(wait for it)… took a picture in the mirror. I took one from the side and from the front as well.   For those of you who don’t know me, I never take my shirt off.  In fact, I generally always wear a shirt and an undershirt as well.

Anyway, I guess I should tell what I saw at that moment.  Man…I didn’t think it would be tough to talk about but I’m actually having a little trouble describing what I felt when I took the picture.  It was everything I never thought I’d be and worse. At least in my eyes. I was big. I was fat even. On top of all that I then weighed myself.  I was 275 lbs.  I just can’t escape the words. It was one of the most embarrassing things I’d seen. I’d felt even. It was shameful. And not because I don’t like people who are deemed fat or overweight. It’s because I’d never known myself to be that way. I never even saw myself that way until the moment that shirt came off and I evaluated myself as honestly ad I could. You know you have people (including me) who will say, “oh well you’re tall so that number is not a big deal.”  To that I’d say, “yeah to you, but you don’t have to carry it.”  At that moment there was no newspaper reporter or doctor there to tell me that I have a bmi of this or that I was unhealthy. And for all intensive purposes I didn’t care to look at it that way. It was about my height, my proportion, and my gut. That’s what it was for me.

It’s funny because there are so any people that look at someone who has a gut or is fa and think, “oh my God, they must sit and eat cheeseburgers all day. Or they must not be able to push the plate away. They just don’t know. There could be a variety of reasons; for people to gain the extra pounds. For me it’s never been about eating a bunch of sweets or all the Häagen-Dazs I can get my hands on. Nor was it about whether or not I eat vegetables, which I actually love (trust me, there are overweight, out of shape vegetarians out there). It was actually a combination of my portion control as well as my lack of activity at work or after. I guess I could even throw in getting older and the slowing of metabolism as well, but I wouldn’t use all that as an excuse.  

With that said though I just never looked at myself in those ways, but that day, something seemed to change for me. I found myself thinking about my daughter and wife and wanting to chase them in the park. Wanting to have more energy when being intimate (keeping it real) and just being a better role model and husband. I also thought about what others think (trust me, everybody does). I thought about how people looked at me and how I ultimately wanted to see myself. So here I am, on this journey to better myself. I lacked the motivation, but no more. I was as if my life had been about what others wanted for me, but now, I finally want to do it for me. And for no one else. It’s my time.  My moment of Truth.

I did want to say something though. I wanted to speak to all of those that would judge someone by their weight, which is ridiculous and wrong. If I could say anything, I would tell people that think they know how people feel about themselves, but they absolutely don’t.  They especially believe they know people who have had issues with their weight or dieting.  People are generally their own worst critiques.  They don’t need others to tell them that we need to exercise or that we need to back away from the table. We need your encouragement to say that we are loved regardless of our size.

I know that in today’s day and age, the size of a person apparently matters. But I would say that if what really mattered was considered than there would be less people hurting themselves over what a family member or supposed claimed. Or a stranger might have said on a plane.  I think that everyone, regardless of their size should do the same thing I did.  Take a picture of yourself in the mirror.  Call it a ‘selfie’ or whatever they are calling it now days and assess yourself.  Don’t give others a chance to do it.  If you like what you see, go a step further, and love what you see.  If you don’t, then think about how you want to change it.  Make a plan, and execute it.  Even if it’s not exercise, but changing what you eat, or do when you get home from work, or whatnot.  People talk so much today about others who judge, but you have to understand that they don’t know anything about people who are trying to better themselves, or minding their own business for that matter.  My Weight-Loss Journey is finally about Me.  Whatever journey you are on, make it about becoming a better you.  

Oh and I forgot to say, along this journey, I will will be documenting starting points, as well as weight loss, and sizes and stuff.  I probably won’t get crazy with the specifics, but I continue writing for my own and your encouragement. 

Don’t worry…More to come…

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About jaisynaustin

What I write about is life...The way it changes and affects me every day. Love, heartache, and Mystery in relationships.

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