I Don’t Love Her Like I Used To…
So if you’re out there, and you’ve been reading this blog or if you’re new to the blog, you’ll see that I talk about marriage a lot. I do, because, well…I’m married, and that’s what’s on my mind most of the time. Marriage. It’s like having a baby, and your thoughts are consumed by it, because it’s one of the most important things to you. Yeah, that’s me. I do think, however that most of you might be able to relate to this. Even if you’re not married and are in a relationship, you should probably be able to see some of it here. At least, that’s what I’m hoping for.
So let’s just deal with this title for a moment. I have to be honest and say it’s true. I don’t Love her the way I used to. Don’t get me wrong, I do love my wife. Very much…just not like I did then. I think that there are many different married couples that would say the same. Maybe I’m just one of the first to admit it. This isn’t to say that I have a problem in or with my marriage. It’s me saying that it’s just being in the spirit of the blog and keeping things 100 (transparent, true, for those that don’t know what that means). It’s been a while since we first met, and life happens to everyone. That’s just the way it is.
So here goes…this shouldn’t be new to anyone, but marriage is a push and pull experience. It’s the ultimate game of tug of war. It’s like you have to know when to push for what you believe and you have to allow yourself to be pulled or reeled in at times as well. I say that because, sometimes we can go overboard trying to get our point across. I know how I am. When she says something I don’t like. I’m just waiting, and waiting for her to stop talking so that I can call her out on that things she said wrong. That’s something that a lot of us do, and we need to come away from that because that’s not really the right way to argue or prove our point (it is fun though, if you like debates).
I personally believe in what they call an old love and a new love. I should probably call the new love young love, because it’s different than falling in love with someone new. Most people, tend to be in love with the new love, or the act of falling in love. I mean, who wouldn’t…it’s fun. It’s spontaneous, and it’s trouble, and when you’re young, you don’t think trouble can hurt or hinder you. We tend to want to do anything just to have that feeling we get when we’re first falling in love. The problem is, that if we spend too much time chasing that “new”, spontaneous type of love, we may miss out on what’s best for us. Which brings me to what I like to call “old love” or “boring love” whichever you wanna call it. Old love is much different than new love. It’s the type that is not afraid to get into an argument to save the relationship. It’s the type that’s comfortable aint going nowhere. Not because it can’t find love, but because it’s a bit more mature and knows how good he/she’s got it. It realizes that the grass aint always greener on the other side. It’s more accepting of faults than that troublesome spontaneous type of love. That’s what married people need. They need to be at home, bored outta their minds, because they’ve been married so long. Nah…I definitely playin’. The older, more mature love is the type of love that understands when to spice things up, when to be spontaneous and when to sit it’s butt at the house. It also understands that years of marriage can’t go by without changing some. As life happens, our character develops, and we have to adjust to our surroundings. This is probably one of the things that Darwin said that I actually believe to be true. You have to adapt, because marriage is truly survival of the fittest. People get married for various reasons, but don’t forget that they don’t stay married for some of those same various reasons.
In my marriage, I realize that I can’t get by loving her the same, mostly because she’s not the same. She’s a different person from the woman I met 13 years ago. She doesn’t act or react the same. She’s wiser, and believe it or not, so am I. She’s not even the same woman since having a baby last year. I remember how I used to love my wife. I didn’t love her like she was my better half. Or like she would be able to help me or bring something to the table. Like she was my compliment. And that was my biggest mistake. It wasn’t her that didn’t have the ability to make it 40 plus years, it was me. I took for granted how she put me in front of family and friends, which is what she should have done. That’s just something that most men do not accomplish for some reason. In fact, by the time a man gets to the point where he learns how he’s supposed to love his wife, she’s become this nagging shell of her former self and we end up just wanting her to be like she was previously.
I said before that marriage is one of the biggest faith walks you could ever take and I now know that to be absolutely true. You have to fight tooth and nail to get the marriage you want. And even when you do, you have to be consistent and relentless in keeping it that way. You have to deal with a personality that is always changing along with your own. Also with a person that learns new things about them-self each year, and new things that they want. Trust me, the new thing I want is a 65 inch LCD. She wants…Well don’t what she wants today, maybe I’ll ask her. Marriage is a fight in which we have to be strong. After all, we never know what will happen that will test whether or not we love one another. Someone once told me, that I didn’t know what love was until I’ve gone through hell with that person. He couldn’t have been more at the time. In addition to that, I suggest that we have to be mature enough to understand the importance of having someone that loves you around even before something bad happens. I’m always praying for a better marriage. Always praying that I can be at my best or as close as I can for her because I know one day I’m gonna need to her to be the same.
More to come…