Archive | February 2014

I Know You’re Independent But…

ImageSo ladies here’s the thing. Many of us for years have been taught to be about ourselves and to go after the things that we want. And I would be the first to say that you should be you. You should be the woman that is successful, that works her own job, has her own money, and can pay her own bills. Be a woman that can cook for herself and doesn’t need anyone, let alone a man to help her out of jam.

(Clapping sounds…) I definitely think that’s great. As a matter of fact, I’m giving you a round of applause writing this.

And I will never stop applauding the ladies that can do it all with no help from a man. For the others who would rather stand beside a man in all that I’d say this….and it may sound harsh but I think you’ll get it…..

THERE’S NOTHING IN MARRIAGE THAT’S FOR YOU….(told ya…harsh)

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. Marriage is tough. It’s not for those that are weak. It’s not for the papas who want to be “rolling stones”…and it’s certainly not for the women who wanna be independent. Don’t let destiny child fool ya into thinking that independence is all it’s cracked up to be. Just think. They broke up and went solo, before trying to get back together. And while it’s great to be able to handle things on your own, most handle things better as a team and not just an individual.  Besides, Beyonce obviously didn’t think it was that great to be independent, as she’s now drunk in love with Jay-Z and baby Blue Ivy.

If you believe the Bible that I believe, you’ll see that nowhere does the subject of marriage come up where they deal with mainly one person. Even in the fall of Eden, God didn’t just hold Eve responsible. He expelled both of them as a couple. As husband and wife. The problem with today’s marriages is that men and women alike tend to say silly things like, “I don’t know who I am outside of marriage anymore…” to me, that’s not only a selfish statement, but also a stupid one. Nobody is supposed to get married to find out who they are. You are there that you can learn each other to ultimately lean on one another when troubles come. There are so many out there that are so busy doing for themselves that their spouses and children are suffering for it. It’s as if everybody wants the benefits but don’t want the work that comes with it. We have to understand that nothing is ever easy and we can never be far enough ahead of the pitfalls of marriage. And for those of you out there that see me as speaking ill of marriage. I’m not. I’m just being real. And I don’t know if there’s a real couple out there that would tell you otherwise.

The Bible says that when we marry we become one flesh. One being. We become joined at the ‘hip’ so to speak. There’s ultimately no true room for individuals that want everything their way. I’m not saying that you’re not still your own person or can’t ever be you. You don’t transform into this robot or whatever. It’s that you have to start thinking about more than yourself. You have be about the love the affection, about the catering to each other’s needs. And trust me, marriages need catering. They need romance and they need to be on the same page. They need to be like-minded. Always and forever. That’s the only way to get there.

So many out there have this unique notion that you get married so that you can go out and do your own thing. My wife calls it “doing me”. Yeah. That’s it. You got married so that you can “do you”. So that you could be this person that was free to handle situations and go all the places you see fit. To that I guess I would tell that person that believes that to just keep “doing you” and see how it works out. It may work, and it may not. Either way, more power to you.

More to come…

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Is the Grass really Greener???

Image[If I were you I’d take pre-]
(-cautiooooooooooooon)
Before I start to meet fly girl, you know?
‘Cause in some (portiooooooooooons)
You’ll think she’s the best thing in the world

She’s so – (flyyyyyyyyyyyy)
She’ll drive you right out of your mind
And steal your heart when you’re blind
Beware she’s schemin’, she’ll make you think you’re dreamin’
YOU’LL fall in love and you’ll be screamin’, demon  ————-> Lyrics from Poison by BBD (Bel Biv Devoe)

How many times have I heard that song and thought:  You’re right, you can’t trust a big butt and a smile…I mean think about it…it’s true… You see a girl, she has a big ole butt, and she gives that smile that says, “Yeah, I know like this…”  And then you’re thinking, yeah I do…I wonder what it’d be like to have someone with a “be-donkey” like she has…

All I can say to that is….RRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!   You gotta run, because it’s a straight up trap… That’s what BBD was saying when they said she was “Poison”.  And just like poison, what she has will contaminate you fellas, and have you thinking it’s the best thing you ever had, when truth of the matter is, six months from now, you’ll be wishing that you never took part in it.  I say that because, for both men and women, we tend to get caught up on the things that we don’t have.  And it gets us in trouble.  We leave one thing for another and realize that we shoulda stayed put.  We should have appreciated the person we were with because despite their flaws, they had a lot of things that you actually wanted instead of just the looks.

Now I can’t lie…guys are sticklers for the way a woman looks.  It’s probably because we’re possibly pre-wired that way or something.  It actually just might be our biggest flaw.  When it comes to looking at women the tighter the clothes the better…Long hair down to her butt, nice lips, thick hips (well in my case), and whatnot.  All we care about from the jump is how sexy she is.  Those are the things that grab our attention.  Those are the things that INITIALLY pull us in.  When I say initially, I do mean initially.  Women, we see the way you look and it’s a beautiful thing.  You talk to us, and we like your conversation because you’re putting your best foot forward, and it grabs us.  We think, man I can see myself with this person long term.  So we hook up, we get in a relationship with you…

…then it happens…six months to a year goes by…

You’ve become comfortable, more emotional, don’t laugh at our jokes, and dress only for comfort and not to be cute, or sex appeal.  It’s just a tough pill to swallow.  It’s like you were putting on a show to get us, and now that you do, you run as far as you can away from being that girl you were before…You’re not trying to bring sexy back, because you told sexy that she needed to leave town (this applies to men as well).  We start arguing more about silly things, and then at the moment we are getting tired of it, here she comes…Mrs. Fiyyinnnee…Ms.  Phat Booty, whatever you wanna call her.  She’s there and she talks a good game.  She says all the things your girl doesn’t say anymore…She’s romantic, thinks the world of you, and she tells you that all the time.  Day after day, you look forward to seeing her, because she makes you feel like your former self.  The more desirable you so to speak.   At that moment, a man tends to think…How can I get that?

They say a man is only as faithful as his options.  Well, I don’t know about that, because I do believe that there are some good men out there, but it is tough to be faithful to just one person either way.  While I wouldn’t say that was 100% true, I wouldn’t call it blasphemy either.  For most of us men, it’s about ego.  It’s about being the sexiest man alive to his lady.  How can he not be attractive to other women when they tell him things that you should be saying.  Regardless of whether he loses weight or keeps himself up.  On the other hand, for the ladies, I think it’s all about confidence.  When a woman has confidence in herself, she shows it.  When she starts losing weight, and hearing people tell her, “Girl, you look good…” or the perverbial, “You lost some weight…”  Women eat that stuff up.   Where it gets tricky, is when we tend to get comfortable.  We stop doing all the things that made us such a great couple.  That’s why the grass always looks so greener on the other side.  It’s because it’s the possibility of having someone all shiny and new.  Someone who you don’t have to worry about losing weight, or someone who is interested in learning about you again.  Or takes part in your gifts for music, poetry, public speaking, or whatever your talent is.

So the question is…How do you keep it fresh?  How do you go about staying romantic, when she wears those pajama pants with the holes in them?  How do you still look at him like he’s sexy, when you see those tight-ee white-ees that used to be cute, but now, they just make him look like an old man (sorry if that was too graphic).  I’ll tell you…you do whatever you can to take care of your relationship.   Keep yourself up.  One thing I’ve never understood a woman saying is…”What you won’t do another woman will…”  And then not doing those same things that another woman would do.  Granted everyone has to have their own standards, but com’on.  Hold your significant other down.  Fellas…take her out at least once a month.  At least.  Show her that you still care for her the way you did before.  Tell her she’s beautiful to you, even on her worst days.  Also, add some romance and mystery to the things you do.  Be creative in your gift giving.  Send some flowers to her job to let not only her, but everybody she works with know, how important she is to you.   The same goes for you ladies.  Take off the flats and put on some heels.  Turn in those old pajamas, for some lingerie.  Nobody wants to see you in sweats and a scarf all the time.  Make sure your man knows that there isn’t any other man that can have your heart.  Tell him, good job every now and again.  Tell him, you appreciate him for the little things he does around the house.  I guarantee you, it will help.  Last but not least.  Don’t just talk about those things…Show each other.  I’d say about 9 times out of 10, most people already are with the person they want.  But no one, and I do mean no one, is without adjustment.  When you constantly look to better each other, you won’t have to worry about the color of the grass on the other side, because you will already have what you want.  

More to come…