Archive | January 2014

I Still “Go Hard” for Her

ImageNow granted, she might not exactly agree that I’m putting this out here, I’m just gonna do it anyway.  After all, what’s that they say:  “It’s better to ask for forgiveness, than to ask for permission.”  At least that’s the story I’m sticking to…

With this day and age, marriage is something that appears to be a dime a dozen.  It seems like everybody’s getting married.  The Kardashians’, the Jones’, the Smith’s, the West’s, everybody.  And with the fact that everybody is doing it, I can honestly say that marriage just doesn’t seem as special as it once did.  Even people being married for 40 years, just seems like more of something they did out of convenience than actual love.  With that said, I can say for those of you who don’t know, or desire to, I’ll use this as something to go by.  When it comes to marriage:  Believe none of what you hear, and only half of what you see.  

With my marriage, I can actually say this, and speak some truth about it.  It’s hard.  It’s tough to get two people who have spent almost 30 years figuring out how to be about self, to turn around and be about the “We” in a situation.  It’s tough.  That’s marriage though.  That is why it’s supposed to last for life, because it literally takes that long to figure it out.  And even then there will still be things to deal with.  I can say that every stage we’ve been through as a married couple has had some bumps.  For us, I won’t even lie.  We disagree.  Often…and we don’t always make up before the sun goes down either.  I know, that’s not always good, but it’s real.  And we do have a real marriage.  As I stated before, I won’t lie about, because I believe more marriages should be honest and be real to say that they’re not always vibin’.  There are times when you just don’t want to talk to the other person for real, for real.  I think the couples that aren’t real with each other are the one’s that get divorced quickly.  They are the people who possibly got married because that’s what they’d been waiting to do, or because they just loved the idea of marriage.  And after getting into it, didn’t love the idea as much as they thought. 

I will say this though…As much as I can get on her nerves, or disagree, or upset her and vice versa, or butt heads or whatnot…I still go hard for her.  I still get up everyday, looking for a new and better day with her and thinking how I can be a better husband.  I still get out there and work for her and my daughter, because they are the two most important people in my life.  I still forsake all others out there for her, because I’m that man that just won’t give up on her and what we have or have the potential to have.  Or our life that we’re working so hard to build together.  That’s just what it is.  I will do anything to be and stay married to this woman (pictured above).  There isn’t a place I wouldn’t move to for her, and a place that I would live without her.  I think more couples need to think about that. They need to think about the long term instead of the little issues that they are dealing with or have been dealing with for just a month.  A month is really a short period of time, and some of the issues people deal with aren’t enough to call for a divorce.  It’s just not the way that I believe God intended it.  I believe that marriage is the same as life in that, we will all struggle and have good times as well…But in the end, the love, and the way we treat each other is what matters most.  Especially the Love.  Relationships can be worked on, but Love is what should be eternal.  It’s the part that will sustain you, on those nights where you wanna pack your bags.  To all the men out there that are thinking of leaving your wife, because of a spat you had, or because you don’t have your act together.  Remember…it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.  I’ll leave it at this…the commandment that was given concerning marriages in the Bible.  

Ephesians 5:21-28 (The Message Bible)

21 Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.

22-24 Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

25-28 Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

More to come…

I Just Can’t Stop Cussin’

You know it’s a new year, and every year we come up with resolutions on the things that we’d like to change.  Well this year, I’ve come decided that I wanna stop Cursing.  Yeah, that’s one that we all come up with from year to year.  And while most who know me, know that I don’t normally cuss.  I do in fact have a lot to say in my mind.  Trust me when I tell you, last year, I cursed a lot of people out.  I’ve said things like the “B” word, and “MF” word, and all kinds of crazy things to people without them even knowing it.  I’ve been trying to control it, but honestly I just haven’t been able to.  

For all those out there that are married, you probably curse at your spouse from time to time.  So you can probably relate to this.  Have you ever had a time when your spouse has said something to you and you said:  “B@#% you betta get out my face right now!!!”  (Enter the key and peel reference here)  Now granted, I’m married to a black woman so you know I didn’t say that out loud.  Other times I’ve wanted to say:  “Shut the F$%$% up!!!”  Because she was just saying stuff that was really getting on my nerves.  That’s what happens when you’re married, you tend to get on each other’s last nerve, as if the nerve they are currently on always seems to be the last one you have…

Look, I’ve been married for 5 years and it seems like it isn’t getting any easier.  I mean it’s the fight for two personalities to be like minded.  That is something that you strive for but may never achieve.  I mean you can accomplish it on some level but probably never to a place where you’ll be completely satisfied.  It’s just me talking.  It’s a give and take situation, I’d say.  Granted, I’m not without fault in any of this.  I’m a man, and believe me when I say that men say and do stupid things.  For example, I remember asking when the baby’s next doctor appointment was.  Now for those of you who don’t know me, I have the distinct honor of a.)stating the obvious, and 2.) asking the same questions OVER AND OVER AGAIN!!!  So of course she tells me the answer with an attitude, but she was probably thinking something like this:

“Look m#%# F#$%#$#, I don’ told you a six times already, her appointment is such and such day!!”  Okay, she didn’t have to say it like that is what I’m thinking. But then again we’ve all been given that look a few times.  Anyway, I just wanted to say that there are going to be many people who get on my nerves this year, and some of you are going to deserve a few choice words.  Like a receptionist that tends to be rude as F$$*)%% to that friend I think about punching in the face!!  Just know that God is still working on me, and hopefully this will be the year that I stop cursing you out in my head.

More to come…