Still Learning To Be Grateful

This post is a little late, but I still need to write it:

So last week, I honestly can’t remember what day it was, I believe Monday or Tuesday.  I was walking off of the BART and I saw someone.  Someone I’ve seen so many times, and have never blinked, but today was different.  Today was a day when I took notice of this person.  Granted, I didn’t speak to this person or get his attention, nor do I think I was supposed to.  I just think this day was supposed to be different for me.  I needed to see what I saw.

A little back-story:  That weekend I had been feeling a bit low on myself, because I felt as though I wasn’t sure of my place in the world.  I think I actually eluded to that in a previous blog before.  I had been feeling as if I wasn’t sure what I wanted from work or home or whatever.  So I just felt like at the time, I needed to make some changes.  Maybe look for a new job, or whatnot.  I just wasn’t sure.  

Then I got to that moment… Image

The person I saw was homeless, and he had been, at the very least for the whole time I’ve been working out in San Francisco, which is about 3 years now.  At that moment of getting off the train to perform my daily routine, of going up the escalator to get breakfast, and then walk in the office, I had so much running through my mind.  I wondered to myself, what his story was.  How he got to the point where he’d lost his home?  Was it drugs, or just some bad decisions that got him to a point of living on the streets, carrying all that he owns with him?  Where his pants were black from the dirt and not washing his clothes.  I guess it mattered, but maybe not enough for me to ask him what happened.  That moment was something for me.  I guess in living in a Big City or Metropolitan area, you tend to be desensitized to such things.  You almost don’t even notice the homelessness, or those lying out on the street.  You tend to just label them as panhandlers, trying to get over, or get another drink or hit of whatever they’d been smoking or taking.  But in this moment, I didn’t think of any of that.  I just merely thought of myself.

I thought of my family, my wife, my daughter, and all that we had been through this year.  The thoughts of Heavon going into labor three months early, or Samaya Sky’s setbacks in the NICU.  I thought of the struggles that my mother and father have had, whether it be during the times we came up, or the issues my mama had after some of her dealings with the hospital.  From there to my in-laws, and some of the things they’ve been through.  What my wife has gone through with some of her family and friends.  Just all the experiences that I’ve witnessed, good and bad.  With all that, I just realized that I’m still at a point where I don’t always know what being grateful is.

Gratefulness and compassion, are things you hear about when you grow up.  The times when we’d go to church, we would constantly hear about having an “Attitude of Gratitude” or just saying thank you or saying grace before meals.  It’s the importance of showing you are fortunate and that it could have been different for your life.  You didn’t have to be where you are or have what you have.  And that there are those much less fortunate than you are.  I guess I just didn’t realize at that moment in time, that My Daughter is Healthy, and that she smiles when I see her.  Or that I’m married, and Happy with the person I married to (trust that really matters).  I have a job, and make a pretty decent living.  I have a roof over my head, and can provide for my family, and even maintain what I have.  That’s the greatest thing about it.  I have all that I’ve ever needed, and most of what I actually want.  That’s crazy!!! How many people can say that on a daily basis?  I don’t why God felt the need to place that person in my path, but I’m thankful that He did.  It helped me to realize that this life, is a daily walk that leads to new and different experiences, and that I should be thankful for the good and bad things that happen.  Also that it is so true when Philippians 4:19 says:  And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus. 

I guess that makes me a true believer now.  Or just someone who is still learning, to be Grateful…

More to come…


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About jaisynaustin

What I write about is life...The way it changes and affects me every day. Love, heartache, and Mystery in relationships.

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