7 Rules to Obtain the Perfect Marriage
Whoever said that marriage was hard, was probably in his/her day considered a genius. And for those of us who are married, one might think the saying is a complete understatement (I know I’d like to think so). Such that, the market seems to be flooded with an extreme amount of self-help books and “inspirational” messages on how to keep a good marriage. I can’t think of a day where I didn’t see an article in a magazine or on the internet giving lessons or tips on “How to keep your Marriage Going”, or “Take your Marriage from lukewarm to HOT LIKE FIRE!!!”. Some people it helps and others it does not. Well fear not because I’m here to give everyone the basis of what makes a perfect marriage. That’s right I said it. I HAVE THE FORMULA to make your marriage so great, that one could call it perfect. With that said, from here on out, you can just acknowledge me as the official “Marriage Aficionado”. Are you ready, here it comes:
- Give up on the thinking that there is such a thing as a perfect marriage – To say that marriage is something that can be perfect would be like cheating yourself. That’s why Jesus never got married. It would’ve ended up with a Perfect “Being” with someone who wasn’t perfect. Just as with us, you have two imperfect people trying to do the best they can to co-exist, and not get on each other’s nerves. I mean for real. They say marriage is what you make of it, and most times we don’t try as hard as we should to make it. It’s best to understand that there is no perfect marriage, but if the two of you work hard at it, you will be able to deal with your bumps as they come. And they will come.
- Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, Sex, and more Sex – So I don’t know if you understood where I was going with this so I’ll just say it. YOU SHOULD BE HAVING SEX WITH YOUR SPOUSE. For those who believe in the Bible, it’s in there. It says that you should not withhold from your better half (1 Corinthians 7 for those who wanna do the research). Ladies, and some men (still can’t believe those men exist), if you don’t think sex is important in marriage, try going without. I promise your spouse won’t wait for you to get your act together. Sex is a form of physical communication between the parties, and without it, there will be times where you don’t feel as though you’re on the same page. Without it, you may exhibit symptoms such as crankiness, arguing, aggravation, and just plain anger to name a few. I can’t say this one enough. Have SEX. Did I mention you should be having Sex!?? What you won’t do, another WILL!! Please believe!!…
- Your Spouse comes before your kids – I may come under fire for this one, but it’s the truth. When you have kids, it should be an “US vs. THEM” type of situation. Again, if you believe in what the bible says, even if you don’t, you must take care of home before venturing out into the world. People with children often would do anything for their kids, and rightfully so. But truth be told, children aren’t a reason to stay with someone. And that is probably the number one reason for couples that have been together 15+ years. “I stayed for the kids”. If that’s your reasoning, you can go ahead and leave. Kids are more resilient than we give them credit. Don’t get me wrong, children do in fact need multiple parents, because it is hard to raise kids on your own, or with someone for that matter. My reasoning for this is that, if you do in fact love your spouse, you will realize, once the kids are gone off to college, or work, or wherever: The person that will remain, IS YOUR SPOUSE. So remember him/her when your kids, act like they don’t wanna call after moving away from home.
- Talk Even If it hurts – This may be one the simplest of all things to know, yet seems to be the hardest to do. When I say this, you might be thinking “do we have to?” Yes it’s mandatory. I remember when my sister Leah, got married, and my father gets up and gives them the best advice that you can ultimately give newlyweds. “TALK” That’s all he said, when all else fails, “TALK”. So simple, yet so profound. There have been many a couple who have not stood the test of time, simply because they couldn’t talk to one another. Communication is key for a situation that you plan on being in for the next 30+ years. If you’ve ever seen the movie Life. Eddie Murphy and Martin Lawrence went through a period of 30 years without talking to each other, over a disagreement. It was funny in the movie, but I promise it’s not as funny when you’re the one not being spoken to. I don’t want that to be your marriage. Arguing is okay, and it’s healthy to get out your frustrations, especially when they have to do with the party lying next to you every night. I’d say don’t go to bed mad, but hey, it happens…TALK IT OUT In the Morning. Sometimes you’re gonna have to sleep on it.
- She’s not the only one that’s crazy – Trust me, this rule is probably for me especially. Whenever I fight with my wife, the first thing that crosses my mind is, “She is crazy, and I don’t know what she’s talking about!” But the truth of the matter is, I’m probably the one that’s driving her crazy. Look, everyone comes with their own set of baggage, which will cause disagreements between the two of you. The thing about that is, learning to consolidate your baggage into one bag, instead of two. Learning to solve problems as a couple, rather than on your own. This one especially goes for matters of a financial nature. Too many times, have men tried to solve all their problems with money on their own, only to cause more debt. Trust me, she didn’t create that crazy. You did!
- Divorce is not an option – People argue, and fight all the time, even when they’re not married. A fight does not spell the end for your marriage – no one particular issue should mean the end of your marriage. In today’s world, people breakup for the smallest things. Marriage is about love. I’ll say that again. Marriage IS ABOUT LOVE. You met and got married because you believed in your heart that there was no one else that complimented you the way he/she does. Besides, no one gets married to get divorced (unless you’re in Hollywood). And divorce should only be the last resort when you have exhausted all possibilities. I’m not saying divorce won’t happen, but when a couple still has love for one another, I’d say that there’s something worth saving there. And last but not least…
- Have a little faith – I didn’t say keep God first because that should be a given. Doing so actually helps to put things in perspective. Marriage takes an unlimited amount of faith for it to work. You have to actually trust and rely on someone else to be strong even when you can’t be. No one wants to be with someone who doesn’t believe strongly that things will work out even in the tough times. I know I wouldn’t. My faith has helped me get through things, but just because I believe doesn’t mean that I can believe for you. You have to take it upon yourselves to believe that you took or made those vows for a reason. And that “for better or worse” vow truly has to mean something to you. Or else you may not have what it takes to make it. If you want me to spell it out I will, YOU SHOULD PUT GOD first!!
Truth be told: Nobody can tell you how to make your individual marriage better. The Rules mentioned above, are merely a foundation. There’s so much more that goes into each marriage. That’s something you have to figure out for yourselves. But like I said, marriage is a true test of faith, no matter what you believe. It takes a lot to keep it going, and to keep it prospering. Treat it like your car in the sense that every 10 to 20,000 miles, you may require a tune up. A trip out-of-town, away from the kids. Renewing of your vows, or something as simple as watching your wedding video every year on your anniversary to remind you what you have. It’s not about that 5 to 10 year thing to make it successful. It’s about it, being a forever thing. A from death do us part thing!!
More to come…