I Don’t Wanna be “Married”…
“Meet me at the alter in your white dress..
We aint gettin’ no younger….so we might as well do this
Been sittin’ here for a while, girl I must confess
Girl let’s go get married, I just wanna get married…”
For those who have never heard those lyrics before they belong to Jagged Edge’s song “Let’s Get Married. With that said, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, and I realize that there is so much going on in the world today. And not even going that far, so much just in my life. I have a wife, a daughter, and family (that in itself is a lot). I go to work 5 days a week, and have people to deal with there as well. The truth of it all is that my life, at times seems complicated, and without reprieve. Sometimes I just need a break from it all, especially from what society deems it should be.
With that, I’ll start with my subject for today. Marriage. Yes, I’ve touched on this before. But I wanna come at it from a different point of view. Contrary to popular belief, marriage has been around since the beginnings of time, and has survived all the way up to today in different forms. And when I say survived, I really mean, held on for dear life. The idea of what a marriage should be has changed so much over the course of time, starting out with the first man and woman in the bible, on to what it is today, where anyone can be married regardless of sex, race, etc. And that’s not really something I will touch, but I will say that marriage today has become more of an idea, than a reflection of a vow to love and be with someone till the end of your life, or even theirs.
Let me explain a little further…
When you think of marriage today, what do you really think of? I’ll tell you…Divorce. Nobody today stays married, and why is that? Why does something that is meant to last 60 or 70 years, only last from 3 to 7 years on average. And by saying that, I’m most likely being generous. If someone lasts for 10 years today, it’s celebrated, as if 10 years is actually a long time in the grand scheme of life. Marriage today is a shell of it’s former self. I’m not saying that it was perfect long ago, but people didn’t divorce for silly reasons, like they do today. Today people get divorced because someone out of the two snores. Yeah…exactly.
There are so many people out there getting married just for the sake of it. Men to men, women to women, men to women and vice versa…Just for the heck of it. They wanna know what it’s like to get the ring. But when they get it, they no longer want it, citing this isn’t what they signed up for. When the reality is…it’s exactly what you signed up for. Nobody forced you to do this, even if you have a kid together. It’s not always the best thing. A marriage license today cost about 50 dollars, and in all honesty, that’s how we treat it. They say, you get what you pay for, and that’s why marriages don’t last. Because it doesn’t cost anymore than a video game. And for those of us who play video games, what do we do when we’re finished with them…Oh yeah…discard them. I’ll bet if married cost 2000 dollars or we had to pay a dowry to the parents, we’d probably take who we were marrying more seriously.
Outsiders don’t even view marriage as a good thing any more. When they think of marriage, they think of a nagging wife, a husband who is rarely present or cheating, and a lack of sex. And as married couples, there aren’t that many examples to dissuade of the notion that marriages mostly fail. In referencing scripture I know that marriage isn’t for everyone, but the people that it is for should probably take a closer look at what it involves, before taking the plunge. Like I said, if marriage is the poster child for a lack of sexual activity, then how many people you know would sign up for that? I’ll tell you that answer as well…NOBODY!!! I certainly wouldn’t be someone standing in line for that. And most say that marriage is about love, and security, but I can get that without leaving my mama’s house. I don’t wanna be married if I’m not gonna communicate. I don’t wanna be married if you’re so sensitive and can’t take constructive criticism or I can’t be honest. I don’t wanna be married if we’re not having SEX (Yeah, I said it) It’s the truth. I could be single and get all the things I just spoke about truth be told.
I think that’s my point about not wanting to be married. When I say that, I don’t mean that I litterally don’t wanna be Married. I mean it in a figurative sense of how marriage is portrayed today. Today there are no more 50 year anniversaries. There are no more important milestones, like having the first baby, because people already do that outside of marriage. So you ask…what is marriage about? It is (in my opinion…) about two people who love each other enough to committ EVERYTHING to one another. When I say everything, I mean everything….The good stuff and the flaws that each person comes with. The commitment that says “I’m not going anywhere, just because we had a fight. If you wanna sleep on the couch for a few days, fine, but by the end of the week we’re working this out. You’re coming back to OUR bed.” That’s the marriage that I’d sign up for all day long. The marriage that allows two people to express themselves openly with one another. Not allowing others to come in and destroy what has nothing to do with them.
That’s what I’m saying…I don’t want today’s “marriage”. I don’t want to be ‘tied down’ to mediocrity. I understand that it’s not easy. But it’s worth it, so it’s not supposed to be easy RIGHT? It’s not supposed to look and smell like fresh roses everyday. It’s supposed to be great, and tough, and hurtful, and happy, and a grind to say the least. We have to realize that love is not something to take lightly, and a real marriage is an expression of love, that can make it through stormy weather. Matter of fact, that’s what the vows say anyway. I don’t have to explain that part. What I do need to say, is that unexpected things will happen in any marriage, and you don’t always find out whether or not you really love someone before marrying them. It’s one of the greatest faith walks you can have as a person. Trust me when I tell you.
I Don’t wanna Be Married the way everyone else is. I wanna experience marriage for what it truly is, and supposed to be overall…BEAUTIFUL